I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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