I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to be your penis for a week.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
