I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
