dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
