I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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