i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
