Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize