And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
