why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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