nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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