I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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