I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just pee around me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
