i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
