he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
