Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
