These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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