Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
whose parrot is this?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
