Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
