my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
