One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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