If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize