If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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