I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
