I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
