I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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