He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
