Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
