Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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