is your mom at the bar?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
