So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
