i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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