smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
