My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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