Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
