i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
