No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
