I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
