I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
