Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize