why didn't you poke me back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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