Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize