turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
