that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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