is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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