I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
