thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
