I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
