Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just pee around me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
