A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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