im six kinds of drunk right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love having hate sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
