Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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