I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
