The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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