If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need a beard to bite.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
