I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
