New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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