i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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