She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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