If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
