Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
