he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
