if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
