problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
