Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
