I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize