Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
