Having a random hookup so left but love u
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
