The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
