I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
